How Avoidance Can Cause Attraction


The attention Adhesion theory dictates that people will have a hard time taking their eyes off of two things. 1) A goal (such as an attractive woman) or 2) a rival/threat, such as another alpha male who could steal your attractive woman “goal” away from you. You have evolved to basically stare at one of these two things in any social setting, and have a hard time looking away from either one of them. This comes from an evolutionary process of seeking a viable mate and then guarding that mate.

In other words, you’re built to look for a hot woman, to want to have sex with her, and then to want to defend her from other men who are looking at her. So you will be fluctuating between looking at a girl you’re interested in having sex with, and looking at other guys who you think are competing for this same girl’s attention. Sounds like a typical night out at a club to me. Incidentally from my days working part time as a bouncer to help pay for university I’d say this is how 90% of all bar fights start!

As intelligent and sophisticated as we think we are, people still do most things based purely out of instinct. You are still heavily controlled by your instincts weather you like it or not. Understanding this and learning how to use it to your advantage is what can take your game to the next level.

You are genetically evolved to stare at attractive people. A woman will stare at an attractive man because she is programmed to want to have sex with him. A better looking, muscular, fit man is a signal that he is healthy and will be a preferred partner and produce superior genetic offspring. Likewise with women, men are conditioned to stare at beautiful women. A woman’s beauty is a key signal for genetic superiority fertility and the ability to produce healthy offspring. Now I’m not saying that you should want to have sex only for reproduction. I’m simply pointing out the reason why we happen to stare at good looking members of the opposite sex.

So why do guys get caught looking at other guys. The only other thing a guy will stare at as much as the girl he desires is another man that he is threatened by. I don’t mean directly threatened like they are going to fight, I mean threatened like this other guy is going to steal his girl, or his potential girl away. This is also a programmed instinct. You have evolved to pay close attention to any potential threat or competition in the form of another man who could win over the girl you are interested in. The key point here is that you will only perceive the other guy as a threat if he is in good shape and looks good. You know exactly what I am talking about. If some 140 lb scrawny weakling of a guy who is poorly dressed walks past the girl you have been eyeing in the bar you probably won’t worry too much that he is going to sweep her off her feet. But if a 200lb muscular sharply dressed Adonis walks by her, then you immediately feel pangs of jealously and will most likely end up staring at him more than her.

Don’t ever get caught doing this!

In a social setting when there is an attractive girl around, do you catch yourself staring at other guys who are close by or interact with her? If so then you’re viewing him as the alpha male which makes you the subordinate, or beta male. You can’t get caught doing this because everyone present will pick up on it including the attractive girl you are interested in. If you find that you are constantly catching stares from other guys when you’re near good looking women, then you know they are viewing YOU as an alpha male.

Alpha males know they can have women and therefore don’t get caught up staring at women they are attracted to as much as beta males. Alpha males also don’t get caught staring at other males because they rarely feel that other men are any real competition to them. Beta males on the other hand get caught staring at both attractive women and other well built men. So even if a woman is looking at a beta guy, but that guy happens to be looking at you, he is subconsciously telling her that you are more dominant than him simply by looking at you.

Women pick up on all of this and can easily identify who the confident alpha males are. Women will feel more attraction for the males who spend less time looking at them for this very reason. This is how avoidance and relative indifference to a woman in a social setting can cause her to be attracted to you. You are simply showing her that you are socially dominant.

Now if you can only choose between being one of these two (alpha or beta), I’ll bet any money you would rather be the alpha than the beta, and it’s totally within your power to decide. You can choose to dress well, you can work on your moves and the way you approach women in social settings, and most of all you can build an alpha body that women will want, and men will be jealous of. In the end you want her eyes on you instead of any other guy. You even want the other guys looking at you because that is subconscious indicator to her that you are in fact the MAN.

John Barban is the author of the Adonis Index Workout. A program designed to build the perfect male body.

John Barban is the Author of the Adonis Index Workout, a specific method for building a guy’s body into its most attractive shape: the shape women find attractive and that creates social dominance with men.

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