Don’t Be Nice

Don't Be Nice

One of the most dangerous words in the English language is “nice”.

Because “nice” doesn’t actually mean anything.

People say “Be nice” “She was nice” or “That thing is nice” just out of convenience.

The thing with the word “nice” is that it leaves a lot of room for interpretation.

And what has happened over time: it’s become a very surface phenomenon.

It is one of those words and phrases that we all have become accustomed to using unconsciously.

So when we use “nice” it can actually have a very detrimental effect without us even recognizing.

For example my children fight with one another, argue or throw things – you know they’re kids.

And I can choose to say “Be nice. Be nice to your sister”.

That basically means:

I know you’re frustrated.

I know you’re upset.

I know you want to tear her head off.

But pretend in a particular fashion that is appeasing to us and will not hurt your sibling that you are not upset.

And especially when we tell our children to “be nice” over and over again they start stifling and shutting down their unique inner expression.

Therefore we suppress our inner sensations and authentic feelings to please the people around us.

I would even go so far to say: This is one of the most violent ways we can behave towards our own unique self-expression.

There’s something coming up inside of you that may not be resourceful for this particular situation.

And being nice means stuffing it back down.

How many times were you nice around your co-workers or at school when you really just wanted to freak the fuck out?

All of the social awkwardness, tension and “unrealness” in our society stems from us being collectively “nice” to each other. We are faking all these masks and our fellow humans mirror it back to us.

And that’s why I talk so much about Bioenergetics and practicing the Active Meditations that we also do at our Grounding Camp Events.

All the biggest stress factors in our lives come from this emotional baggage that we carry because we are “nice”.

When we try to “be nice” we really aren’t “being” it – we are “doing” and “forcing” it. There is no natural flow from the internal to the external world. We are creating walls and blockages to prevent this internal flow from leaking out.

Instead of being nice where there is no internal transformation of emotion…

Let’s be kind.

Being kind is something very different than being nice.

Kindness comes from within. Niceness is just a surface phenomenon.

Do you understand the distinction?

“Be kind” means to transform from the inside.

That means take a breath.

That means to take a look at “what is” right now and observe what is happening on the inside and on the outside.

From this level of peace, calmness and awareness we can then start to recognize what is rising up within us.

This moment of stillness helps us to understand on a deeper level what behavior is the appropriate one right now.

It helps us to be true to our authentic self.

We are then living closely to our essence and the voice of our heart.

Through this approach we learn to distinguish between the “kind” and “nice” mode of expression. This gentle force grows bigger and bigger within us each and every time we choose to follow it.

This kindness, love and compassion then radiates from the very center of ourselves into the outside world.

Be loving.

Be compassionate.

Be kind.

Don’t be nice.

P.S.: This blog is an expansion upon a previous video from my Elliott Hulse YouTube Channel. Click below to watch it.