Elliott Hulse: “It’s not about becoming a real man but becoming fully man”

Elliott Hulse: “It’s not about becoming a real man but becoming fully man”

I loved doing this interview with Liz Di Alto for her “Untame The Wild Soul” podcast.

Check out the short description of all the topics below and listen in here. (Be sure to listen in because how I share the points is actually as important as the content itself)

Key points from what I share in the podcast:

  1. Compassion as not a bleeding heart but a listening heart (feeling bad for the other person vs. just being with them and listening to where they are at)
  2. Moving from Warrior to King and also integrating Magician and Lover (I share a lot of my own personal story regarding the transition process)
  3. It’s not about being a “real man” but “fully man” (to become a “real man” you actually have to discover the “woman” within also which will lead to a balanced self and becoming “fully man”)

Short outline so you can pick the most resourceful topic for you:

4:03 The four masculine archetypes and their shadow sides
14:45 On integration and using archetypes to your advantage
22:10 Cowardliness and what men struggle with that keep them from loving themselves
31:30 Stages of development + Elliott’s personal evolutions and initiations
54:38 Parenting while balancing freedom and discipline


What stuck in my head from the beginning on was the topic of archetypes. We talked about transitioning from being a warrior to becoming a king. I pointed out that I witnessed this interesting switch in my life: While men are predominantly in warrior mode from 14 to 30, women express more of the lover archetype in these stages. At the time of middle age this orientation tends to swap. (I discovered the spiritual side within me whereas my wife found great joy in starting to work out)

Also the shadow archetypes were a big subject and we dove deep into it.

We hit on an interesting point when we talked about modern men and how many of them are cowards. I told her that this is due to lack of rites of passage and rituals. As women grow older they are initiated through their period. But men lack these kinds of ceremonies and that’s also why I do the work I do.

I elaborated that if we are to become “real men” we have to first find the “woman” within ourselves. From a 3D view, men and women are very different (we look different physically). But all men carry a feminine part and all women carry a masculine part within them. So we actually become “fully man”.

When I was asked how I deal with the negativity of people I mentioned that there is no light without darkness. All the negative experiences come with something positive and vice versa.

A large topics were my influences and mentors. I spoke about the influence of my parents and how my uncle initiated me into manhood by learning to lift weights. I learned about the discipline, the process and also the sacredness that surrounds the “womb of transformation” that my basement gym would represent.

To learn about my other mentors and influences, go listen to the podcast here.

Finishing with the subject of my parenting philosophy I shared insights into how Colleen and I combine our contrasting personality structures within our family. The essence of it all is to practice compassion in listening to the other one and not to force or to judge the other one. It is about listening and moving forward synergistically.

Thanks again to Liz. It was a great pleasure to speak with you.


PS: If you haven’t already clicked you can listen in also via the embedded play function below or on YouTube: