Yesterday I watched a Jesse Lee Peterson video on YouTube. In the video Jesse talks about how when he was young it was common for parents to require their sons to leave home at age eighteen. Boy’s were expected to leave home, find a job, make money and date women until age twenty five.
At age twenty-five a young man was expected to buy a house and get married. His new home was a place he could invite a woman into. It was important for HIM to have a home and invite her into it. In no way was he to move into a women’s house, this was akin to moving back home to your mother.
Move out, get a job, buy a house, marry a women… in that order, all by age twenty-five.
Earlier that same day I watched another video on a similar topic. The video was about how a thirty year-old man was suing his parents. He had been living at his parents house in the basement for thirty years when the parents finally decided to kick him out. So he sued them.
Today, it’s fairly common for young men to live at home with their parents past age eighteen and a percentage will stay until well after twenty-five. College debt, crappy jobs and no affordable housing are the most common excuses given for not leaving home. But there’s more: The generation of men coming of age as I write this were born to parents with very different values than old Jesse Lee’s parent’s back in the 1950’s.
The bottom line is…
Young men of today have been raised in a feminized society. This is evidenced by lower sperm counts, lower testosterone and softer, weaker, fatter bodies than men of just two generation ago. Men today have been castrated by broken homes, fatherlessness, misguided government policies, school, media, PC culture and toxic-feminism.
As a result men of this generation are more likely to mis-trust older men in authority and be suspicious of any “toxic” masculine behavior that shows in his own character. Leaving him weak, womanly and without the a strong masculine impetus to move away from mother.
Men Are Weakened When
They Live With Their Mothers
All of the excuses I mentioned earlier for not leaving one’s home need to be seen for what they are: Attempts by his feminized mind to keep him stuck, weak, dependent and always within arms reach of mommy’s safety net. The very act of “rationalizing” is perverted by the feeling for needing mother, or in some cases… “mother needs me”.
It’s mental incest.
There is NO valid reason for a grown man to live with his mother.
Leaving your mother’s home is not something you mull over, think about, contemplate, weigh the odds, or ask your friends about… it’s something that you do.
It must be done “quick and clean”, like the cutting of an umbilical chord. A young man’s life does not truly begin until he takes the initiative to move out, or he is FORCED to move by men, mentors and elders.
The act of “forcing” a young man to grow-up, move out, take risks, be courageous and become responsible has traditionally been facilitated by older men and supported by the women in the community. The “moving out” event was usually initiated by some display of aggressive, sexual or wayward movement by the boy.
The men, mentors and elders recognized this as a sign that a formal “initiation” was required for the young man.
Order Is Established When
STRONG MEN Are Present.
Mothers teach their children how to think like women.
She has no other choice. She imprints her way of thinking, feeling and acting upon the child by her closeness to the child. She teaches them the way of emotional-love, compassion, kindness and grace. She will also teach them how to be safe, avoid risks, avert conflict, play nice, get along, be a good boy and do what they’re told. For women and mothers “being liked” is top priority, so this is imprinted in the mind of the boy.
This is all very normal and natural stuff. It’s the way things have always been and it will never change, but…
Little boys are NOT little girls.
While boys and girls both learn the way of emotional-love from their mother, boys are still in need of more training. When the boy is faced with becoming a young man he must learn the way of rational-love, the way of MEN.
Men Teach Boys How To “Love With Their Mind”.
Unlike mothers, who mostly lead with their heart in relation to their children, a father’s love is rational. A strong man consciously chooses to love, care and support his family with a sense of devotion, but understand….
Fathers are less emotionally attached to their children than mothers.
From his perspective he can more easily instill discipline when its needed, dish out punishment without anger, create rules, set boundaries, lead his family and be the watchmen over their minds and hearts.
A strong father can step aside the mother’s obsessive emotional-love for the child and set the course of action for his family in a rational, stoic, alpha-male way.
But if he’s an emotionally weak man the mother’s mindset will rule. When it comes time to push the kids out of the nest, mother hesitates and father succumbs.
Most men today do not have a strong masculine role model.
About half of American boys live in a home with just their mother, no father. They go to school where they are mostly taught by women. The fathers in media are shown as hapless buffoons, unable, impotent, weak, dumb or wildly violent.
The fact is most fathers today are either absent or weak. This has created a generation of weak young men, unwilling to grow-up, who harbor a sense of entitlement to their mother’s breast and dwelling space.
Meeting The Wild Man and Killing The Mother
The need for initiation is deeply embedded in the masculine psyche.
This is evidenced by the massive about of myth, religion and tales of bravery told to men for thousands of years. For example: in the story of Iron John, upon meeting “the Wild Man” the boy is confronted with a choice, “Free me from this cage and follow me now, or stay here with your mother”, says the wildman.
Rather than taking the challenge and leaving his mother the boy offers an excuse, “I can’t find the key to your cage, so we can’t leave” to which the wild man replies “the key is under your mother’s pillow”.
The key represents the boy’s fate. It’s safeguarded by the mother, under her pillow where she sleeps and dreams at night. She won’t be willing to just give the key to the boy, he must STEAL it.
The boy steals the key from his mother. He is carried away on the shoulder of the Wild Man. Now his life as a man begins.
In the story of The Fisher King, a boy named Parsifal lives in a small cabin alone with his mother. Parsifal is raised, nurtured and loved by his wonderful mother until the fated day of initiation arrives.
One day Parsifal is playing in the field in front of his cabin when an armored warrior riding a strong horse galloped past. The sight of shining armor, the sword and the powerful horse stirred something in Parsifal that he could not ignore. In an instant Parsifal knew he needed to leave his mother and join the warriors.
He tried to explain to his mother but she could not understand. All she wanted was for her boy to be safe and happy. By leaving her and joining the warriors Parsifal’s mother’s heart was broken. Her emotional love for him to too much to bare… so she died.
In each case of initiation there was was an older man involved. The men, the wild-man, the warriors, the king, represent a new way of life for men.
Once a man splits from his mother and breaks her spell he is free to join the men and learn their ways. But if there is no break from the mother and no older men to lead, the boys growth will be retarded. He will likely grow up to be a man-child, momma’s boy, wayward weakling or worse… a feminist.
For a young man, moving away from home and mother is the first critical step in allowing himself to be initiated. Like Parsifal, most young men today will need to initiate the movement himself. Once the sense that it’s time to move on, grow-up, take an adventure, take some risks and join the warriors a man MUST GO.
In part 2 of this essay I will give you 7 Strategies for Leaving Home. You’ll learn about the biggest mistakes men make when trying to leave home and several respectable options for men to peruse.
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Elliott Ignatius Hulse: Making Millions of Men Strong, Since 2007
Strongman, strength coach, CEO Strength Camp, father, father-figure, mentor to 2,000,000+ men world wide on YouTube.
Mission: to make men strong again.