The Makings of A Good Wife

Last week I posted a meme on social media related to the degenerate post-modern practice of promoting rampant promiscuity.  I think promiscuity, slutting around, and booze-fueled, spring-break, sport-sex is a bad idea for men and women. So, when I started getting angry comments and DMs from sex-thirsty soy-boys and shameless sluts… I wasn’t surprised. 

However, I was pleased to receive a question from a young woman who was genuinely curious:  “Elliott, what are the top four qualities you appreciate about your wife that young women as myself can grow and develop?”  I was so inspired by her question that instead of answering her directly in the post, I promised to deliver my answer in an essay.

Before I continue, I need to reveal a few things that make my situation very different than the majority of men’s today:

First, Colleen and I began dating exclusively in 1994, I was fifteen years old and she was fourteen. We continued dating and remained faithful through high school and four years of college.  Upon graduation I presented her with a cheap diamond ring and she said “yes”. By age twenty-four we were married and she gave birth to the first of our four children. 

The fact that she and I began dating and remained exclusive early in life protected us both from the folly of ungrounded youthful promiscuity, and perhaps dozens of sexual partners between us.  When you have sex with someone you’re not just bumping bodies, you’re bonding souls. So, I’m convinced that early exclusivity and minimal sexual partners has contributed in a large part to the success of our relationship. 

Next, our relationship works because we honor the reality of traditional gender roles. I am a devoted husband, she is an adoring wife. I am a businessman, she is a homemaker. I give her protection, provisions and leadership; she gives me grace, sex and cooperation. I penetrate her with my warmth, my presence and my power; she joyfully receives it all and reflects it back to me.

Men and women were made to be perfect natural counterparts. Relationships work when men are being men, and women are being women. When the roles are reversed, as is often the case today, it usually spells doom for the relationship.  Ultimately men will grow resentful while suppressing their natural instinct for leadership and conquest, no matter how deep the “blue pill” conditioning. Also, most woke women admit they’d rather relax into their feminine role as wife, mother and helpmate, than climbing corporate ladders and competing with men in the marketplace.  

Finally, since our earliest days in high school Colleen and I have had a united vision for what we wanted in life as individuals, as a couple, and as a family.  Colleen still has the looseleaf notebooks in which she spent hours practicing signing her name as Colleen Hulse, seven years before we were actually married. In our high school year book I predicted our future as a married couple. I would become a strength coach and she would be a stay-at-home mother to our eight children.

Even today, Colleen and I speak and visualize our future into reality together. The truth is that anything can happen and only time will reveal our real paths in life, but we are just as hopeful and committed as in our youth.  We’ve got a pretty strong track record of making our dreams come true and most of our predictions are spot-on. Of course I overestimated how many children we’d have, but that’s expected. We think BIG, expect to win, and go with the flow. 

Early exclusivity and minimal sexual partners, honoring the reality of traditional gender roles, and being unified even in our earliest visions of a future together works like superglue that keeps Colleen and I strongly bonded, sexually attracted and deeply content in our amazing, life-long, hot monogamous marriage.  My hope is that our story (and the stories I’ll share with you) will be an inspiration to you and inspire future generations to pair bond, marry early and have lots of children. 

My response: Yes, I’ll even share a few vignettes from our life that demonstrate Colleen’s value to me.  In this way the desired quality can be seen IN ACTION.

1. Colleen appreciates when I make the decisions. She likes to follow my lead.

Around the time we discovered that Colleen was pregnant with our first child I had begun my studies into natural health and holistic living.  I discovered the benefits of having natural, at-home childbirths, breastfeeding and homeschooling. Colleen immediately took to the idea of natural mothering and we signed up for classes on home birth and breast feeding.  She gave natural childbirth to all four of our children, three born at home.

Although I was gung-ho about homeschooling, Colleen wanted nothing to do with “teaching” two toddlers while breast feeding one, and a fourth in her belly.  As much as she’s willing to follow my lead, she also knows her limits and when to draw the line.

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During the first ten years of our marriage money was super tight. To free us from mounting debts and relative poverty I had to make some tough decisions. There were times when had to choose between putting gas in the car or food on the table.  But even in those stressful times I had hope and a vision for our future. I was determined to payback our heavy debts, on an aggressive payment plan of several thousand dollars per month (money I did not have).  Colleen knew I didn’t have the money, but she believed in my ability as a provider. Without fear or hesitation she followed my lead. Three years later we were debt free and putting our children through private school.

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For as long as I can remember I’ve been attracted to women with short hair.  When Colleen and I started dating she had long, pin-straight hair. I asked her if she’d be willing to cut her hair short. Without hesitation she agreed and cut her hair the next day. Twenty five years later she keeps her hair short, exposing her long beautiful neck I so love to kiss.

2. Colleen never takes me for granted. She reminds our children to be grateful. 

Many years ago, I came home one evening to find Colleen and our little daughter waiting for me at the front door with a gift. It was a crayon drawing of me with some grass, a tree and the sun. Next to the picture was a handwritten note that read, “Daddy, thank you for working so hard to making money for our family. We love you.”  

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Many times after paying bills, buying groceries, putting gas in her car, or getting a massage Colleen will sigh and smile. Then she says “Thank you for my wonderful life”, to which I respond “Thank God” and she agrees. 

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Sometimes when our eyes meet a bashful smile grows on Colleen’s face.  Then she’ll softly say, “I must have been very good girl in a past life to deserve you.” 

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Sometimes when my children act in a spoiled or entitled way Colleen reminds them to be grateful. She reminds them, “Say thank you to your father”.

3. Colleen is content with little.

When our children were very young we were too broke and busy to eat out or have fun. Then a couple from church offered to babysit our children so Colleen and I could go out together. Having very little to money spend, Colleen surprised me with meatball sandwiches she made and a six-pack of beer. We still go on “date night” every Friday.
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When Colleen’s old car finally broke down, we were forced to buy a new one. All I could afford at the time was another very old car, but this time a minivan. Colleen called it her “dream car”.

4. Colleen never becomes hysterical or argues with me, even if I’m wrong. 

A few years ago, when business was finally starting to pick up and I had some money to spend on myself I decided to buy a brand new, very expensive Tesla automobile. Colleen didn’t think it was a good idea and humbly voiced her opinion, but I didn’t heed her concerns. Rather than harp on it or convince me not to buy the car she kept her opinion to herself. One year later when I came to my senses and sold the car, she was happy but never once said, “I told you so” or rubbed the mistake in my face.

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Sometimes I say things that upset her, but she doesn’t retaliate. Instead she stays quiet, then later she accepts my apology without voicing a word of anger or malice.

5. BONUS – Colleen loves God, because she loves me.

In my senior year of college I became enamored with religion and devotion to God. Colleen really wasn’t interested. On days when I would talk incessantly about God, religion and the books I was reading, she would listen quietly and ask questions. Even if she was skeptical, she never discouraged me or tried to change my mind.

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When I joined a religion Colleen supported me. She went to the meetings with me, she prayed with me, she fasted with me, and she married me all in the name of God. She even became an active part of the community, she gave talks and taught children’s classes.

But I realize that Colleen didn’t do all these things because of her deep religious fervor… she did it because she loves me. Colleen wants to please me… and by doing so, God is pleased with her.

So young lady… I hope my response has been of value to you.

You also mentioned that my mission is for men, and that behind “behind every man is a good woman”.

YES, I agree to both of those statements.

I am making men strong again. That’s my mission, and that’s why we’re all here reading this essay. If you’re new here, I suggest you start here.

I believe it is good for men to have wives. So, I support marriage.

I love being a great husband and father. But that is only possible because I have a great wife.

Colleen and I have a great life together, but in many ways we are very traditional, old-school.

She follows my lead, because I’m a great man. But I am great man because she follows my lead.

It’s a give and take relationship, neither of us are perfect… but we each play to our strengths.

Done.